Concept Scribble: “TAKING UMBRELLA = NO RAIN!!! FORGETTING UMBRELLA = INSTANT MONSOON!!! The weather is PERSONALLY INSULTING ME! This can’t be coincidence—it’s too consistent, too CRUEL! What if we could weaponise this cosmic vindictiveness? Mass umbrella forgetting = DROUGHT SOLUTION?!?!”
Initial Testing: Seventeen days of deliberate experimentation. Carried brolly religiously for eight days—bone dry, not even a drizzle. Then left it at home for nine days straight—absolutely drenched EVERY SINGLE TIME. Including Tuesday, when a localised downpour followed me for three whole streets! Borrowed Sue’s umbrella Wednesday—opened it, rain stopped mid-drop. Pedestrians looked genuinely offended.
Current Status: Soggy notebook with “WHY???” written 47 times in increasingly desperate handwriting. Also: napkin diagrams of “Meteorological Spite Cycles” are currently peeling off the radiator. Perfect tea ring stains mark the exact moment of revelation. The coffee mug fell over during “EUREKA!” shout—stain pattern resembles an angry cloud.
Margin Note: “WAIT—Monday Particle connection?? Weather responds to emotional preparedness states! Need to test: traffic lights that know you’re late, printers that jam when you’re stressed, missing socks during laundry emergencies!!!”
Supporting Evidence: Una calculated 0.0000001% natural probability. Sue found “statistically improbable irony levels” in collected rainwater samples. Polly’s barometer readings show what she calls “atmospheric sulking patterns.” Three weather apps now crash when I open them. The Met Office rang to ask if I was “conducting unauthorised meteorological activities.”
Implementation Plan: Recruit 10,000 people to genuinely forget umbrellas simultaneously. MUST BE REAL FORGETTING—universe detects fake amnesia! Monitor global rainfall. Success = deploy “Emergency Umbrella Neglect Squads” to drought zones. Backup: hire method actors to authentically portray umbrella forgetfulness. Consider a rain dance alternative, but in reverse.
Key Question: What happens when umbrella forgetting becomes a deliberate strategy? Will the universe cotton on and spite us with eternal sunshine? HOW DO WE PREVENT METEOROLOGICAL WARFARE BY NATIONS WITH SUPERIOR FORGETFULNESS CAPABILITIES?!