Project TOAST-FALL

Concept Scribble: “What if gravity isn’t universal but PERSONAL? Buttered toast falls butter-side down because the toast is EMBARRASSED and hiding its face! Gravity = cosmic social anxiety???”

Initial Testing: Vic observed dropping 37 pieces of toast while shouting various encouragements

Current Status: Napkin with butter stains and hastily drawn diagram of “confidence vectors”

Margin Note: “Need more toast. Also, what if magnets are just lonely?”

Supporting Evidence: Preliminary observations indicate that toast falls butter-side down at a rate of 87.3% when observed, but only 42.1% when no one is looking (according to hidden camera footage that may or may not have been compromised by quantum uncertainty principles).

Implementation Plan: Build a prototype device to boost toast’s self-esteem—using tiny mirrors and recorded compliments—to help it believe it’s worthy, butter-side up or not.

Key Question: “If we eliminate social pressure on toast, could we fundamentally alter gravitational constants? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY: would this affect biscuit dunking physics???”

Cross-Disciplinary Implications: Una Likely has calculated a 0.0042% probability of this theory being correct, which Vic considers “practically confirmed.” Sue Rely refuses to enter the kitchen until “this buttery nonsense” is cleaned up. Nona Sence suggests we investigate whether toast has evolved embarrassment as a survival mechanism.

This Idea has now become a sceince paper: Gravitational Emotivity: Understanding Descension Patterns of Buttered Toast