Moto: Cogito ergo PĒDENDUM.
Hidden in what was once a broom cupboard but has mysteriously expanded to occupy an entire wing, F.A.R.T. I.N.G. serves as the primordial soup from which all our theoretical marvels emerge.
This department thrives in the chaotic liminal space between Vic’s 3 AM revelations and actual testable science. Armed with nothing but sticky notes, half-drunk cups of tea, and unreasonable enthusiasm, our dedicated nonsense generators transform fleeting thoughts like “What if gravity is embarrassed light?” into fully-formed research proposals.
The department operates on what we call “napkin protocol”—if an idea can be scribbled on a serviette during lunch, it qualifies for development. Most concepts begin their life here before migrating to S or E.D. departments once they achieve minimal coherence (or after Vic mentions them more than three times in one day).
Notable successes include Project TOAST-FALL, the Quantum Kettle Hypothesis, and the groundbreaking Biscuit-Based Computing initiative (which was sadly interrupted when a hungry researcher ate the prototype).
F.A.R.T. I.N.G. proudly maintains no formal peer review process, believing that logical scrutiny only hinders true innovation. Instead, ideas are evaluated solely on their capacity to make Vic spill his tea in excitement.
Visitors welcome, though signing our “Reality Expectations Waiver” is required upon entry.
-
Project UMBRELLA-PARADOX
Concept Scribble: “TAKING UMBRELLA = NO RAIN!!! FORGETTING UMBRELLA = INSTANT MONSOON!!! The weather is PERSONALLY INSULTING ME! This can’t be coincidence—it’s too consistent, too CRUEL! What if we could weaponise this cosmic vindictiveness? Mass umbrella forgetting = DROUGHT SOLUTION?!?!” Initial Testing: Seventeen days of deliberate experimentation. Carried brolly religiously for eight days—bone dry, not […]
-
Project TOAST-FALL
Concept Scribble: “What if gravity isn’t universal but PERSONAL? Buttered toast falls butter-side down because the toast is EMBARRASSED and hiding its face! Gravity = cosmic social anxiety???” Initial Testing: Vic observed dropping 37 pieces of toast while shouting various encouragements Current Status: Napkin with butter stains and hastily drawn diagram of “confidence vectors” Margin […]
-
THE QUANTUM KETTLE HYPOTHESIS: Temporal Suspension in Observed Heating Systems
By Professor Vic Titious, Director of Wild Ideas and Unsubstantiated HypothesesWorld Headquarters of Advanced Theories (WHAT!) ABSTRACT This paper proposes that household kettles exist in a state of quantum temporal fluidity, experiencing accelerated heating cycles when unobserved but deliberately extending boiling times when urgency is detected. Initial stopwatch readings suggest a direct correlation between the […]