PHY-217: Applied Improbability Engineering

F.A.R.T. E.D. (Education Department)
Moto: Cogito ergo PEPĒDĪ.

PHY-217: Applied Improbability Engineering

Spring Term – 2025, 2026, 2027 & 2028
Faculty of Unreal Concepts and Knowledge (acronym pending)

Course Instructor

Professor Polly Graph, Head of Speculative Physics and Engineering

Office: Room 42π, East Wing (behind the bookshelf that occasionally becomes a door)

Hours: Wednesdays 14:00-16:00 and by quantum appointment (probability of occurrence: variable)

Email: polly@ifart.co.uk

Teaching Assistant

Dr. Theo Retical, Junior Fellow of Practical Impossibilities

Office: Desk in Corridor B (appears only when observed directly)

Hours: “Whenever the probability waves align” (check the weekly Schrödinger Schedule)

Course Overview

PHY-217 equips students with the theoretical frameworks and practical methodologies necessary to manipulate, generate, and survive physical phenomena that shouldn’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t usually exist according to conventional physics. Students will develop a rigorous understanding of improbability mechanics, paradox engineering, and reality distortion field maintenance, with particular emphasis on containment protocols and biscuit-based stabilisation techniques.

The course balances theoretical absurdities with hands-on laboratory sessions, during which students will construct devices that function despite their fundamental impossibility. Workplace safety procedures will be strictly enforced, particularly following last year’s unfortunate incident with the Localised Probability Inversion Field Generator and the subsequent three-week evacuation of the East Wing.

Learning Outcomes

By the end of this course, students should be able to:

Calculate the precise improbability factor of any given theoretical construct, using both the Standard Unlikely Measurement Protocol and the Titious-Likely Coefficient.
Construct, maintain, and safely decommission small-scale improbability fields (diameter ≤ 3 metres).
Apply quantum uncertainty principles to practical problems such as administrative paperwork avoidance and probability manipulation.
Identify early warning signs of imminent collapse in reality and implement appropriate containment measures.
Document experimental results in accordance with the Implausible Phenomena Recording Standards (IPRS-7b, revised following the Gravitational Anomaly Incident of 2024).
Develop ethical frameworks for the responsible use of improbability technology.

Prerequisites

STAT-103: Applied Statistical Manipulation for Beginners
PHY-101: Fundamentals of Potential Physics (to understand what rules you’ll be breaking)
Written permission from Una Likely confirming you “probably won’t cause a localised reality collapse”
Evidence of outstanding tea-brewing capability (practical test administered at first session)
Note: Students with a history of accidentally violating the laws of thermodynamics must complete Form TR-7 (Temporal Responsibility Agreement) before enrolment.

Required Materials

“Improbable But Not Impossible: A Practical Handbook” (Graph, P., 2023)
“Why Things Shouldn’t Work But Sometimes Do Anyway” (Titious, V., 2022)
“Statistical Improbabilities and How to Make Them Slightly Less Unlikely” (Likely, U., 2024)
Laboratory-grade probability inversion helmet (available at University Bookshop, batteries not included)
Class 7 reality stabilisation gloves (must meet British Standards for Theoretical Protection)
Quantum fluctuation detector (or a particularly sensitive houseplant)
One packet of chocolate digestive biscuits per practical session (for emergency reality anchoring)
Laboratory notebook capable of withstanding minor temporal anomalies

Assessment

25% Midterm Examination: Theoretical Framework of Improbabilities
30% Laboratory Portfolio: Documentation of weekly practical experiments
15% Paradox Resolution Paper (2,000 words). Note: Papers exceeding word count may be subject to dimensional compression.
25% Final Project: Construction and demonstration of a working improbability device
5% Class Participation: Measured by Quantum Engagement Sensors and occasional reality checks

Safety Protocols

Students must adhere to strict safety guidelines during all practical sessions:

Probability distortion limits: No experiment may exceed a 7.8 on the Titious Scale of Cosmic Unlikeliness.
Reality anchoring: All students must maintain physical contact with at least one mundane object (preferably a cup of tea) during high-improbability experiments.
Containment protocols: Any anomaly exceeding containment parameters must be immediately reported to the Existential Risk Management Office (extension 42).
Paradox management: Temporal inconsistencies must be documented in triplicate using the Before-During-After form (even if “before” technically occurs after “after”).
Dimensional breaches: In the event of spontaneous portal formation, students should under no circumstances “just pop their head through to see what’s on the other side.”

Weekly Schedule

Week 1: Foundations of Improbability

Lecture: Introduction to Applied Improbability Theory
Practical: Calibration of personal improbability fields
Reading: Graph, Ch. 1-2; Titious, Ch. 7 “Why Not: The Scientist’s Best Question”

Week 2: Quantum Uncertainty and Its Applications

Lecture: Harnessing Heisenberg for Fun and Profit
Practical: Schrödinger’s Paperclip – Creating Objects with Uncertain Existence
Reading: Graph, Ch. 3; Likely, Ch. 2 “When Probability Takes a Holiday”

Week 3: Perpetual Motion Machines (Almost)

Lecture: The Laws of Thermodynamics – More Like Guidelines, Really
Practical: Construction of Tea-Powered Semi-Perpetual Motion Device
Reading: Graph, Ch. 4 “Thermodynamic Loopholes and How to Find Them”
Note: Bring extra biscuits for this session (energy requirements tend to fluctuate)

Week 4: Localised Reality Distortion

Lecture: Bubble Universes and Pocket Dimensions
Practical: Creating Temporary Exemptions from Specific Physical Laws
Reading: Graph, Ch. 5; Titious, Ch. 12 “Reality: More Flexible Than You Think”

Week 5: Probability Manipulation

Lecture: The Mathematics of Making the Unlikely Slightly More Likely
Practical: Loaded Dice and Biased Coins – A Quantum Approach
Reading: Likely, Ch. 6-7 “Statistical Improbabilities in Controlled Environments”
Guest Lecturer: Una Likely, “Why Your Experiments Probably Won’t Work (But Might Anyway)”

Week 6: Paradox Engineering

Lecture: Logical Impossibilities and How to Build Them
Practical: Construction of Self-Contradicting Objects
Reading: Graph, Ch. 8 “When A Can Equal Not-A: Practical Applications”
Note: Students with existing existential crises may be excused from this practical

Week 7: MIDTERM EXAMINATION

Theory Paper (90 minutes)
Practical Demonstration (Creating an Object That Is Simultaneously There and Not There)
Equipment provided, but students must bring their own reality anchors

Week 8: Temporal Anomalies and Their Containment

Lecture: When Cause Follows Effect – Managing Backwards Causality
Practical: Small-Scale Time Loops and How to Escape Them
Reading: Graph, Ch. 10; Noh, I., “Tomorrow Happened Yesterday: A Practical Guide” (Selected Chapters)
Note: Attendance will be recorded before, during, and after the lecture, in that order

Week 9: Spatial Improbabilities

Lecture: Non-Euclidean Spaces in Everyday Life
Practical: Construction of a Container That’s Bigger on the Inside
Reading: Graph, Ch. 11 “Folding Space Without Getting Creases”
Safety Note: Students are reminded not to create spaces with more than 11 dimensions

Week 10: Quantum Tunnelling Applications

Lecture: Moving Through Solid Objects – Theory and Limited Practice
Practical: Quantum Tunnelling Through Administrative Paperwork
Reading: Graph, Ch. 12; Titious, Ch. 19 “Why Solid Isn’t Actually Solid (Sometimes)”
Note: The department accepts no responsibility for partially tunnelled objects or limbs

Week 11: Gravitational Improbabilities

Lecture: Selective Gravity and Directional Inconsistencies
Practical: Anti-Gravity Tea Brewing (A Practical Approach)
Reading: Graph, Ch. 14 “What Goes Up Might Stay There If You Ask Nicely”
Guest Demonstration: Vic Titious, “The Embarrassed Light Theory of Gravity”

Week 12: Final Project Development

Independent laboratory time for final project completion
Individual consultations with Professor Graph
Reading: Safety Manual, Appendix D: “What To Do When It All Goes Wrong”

Week 13: Final Demonstrations and Reality Celebration

Presentation of working improbability devices
Department-wide reality stabilisation tea party
Awarding of Certificates of Improbable Achievement
Note: Friends and family attend at their own existential risk

Institutional Policies

Academic Integrity
Standard university policies regarding academic honesty apply, with the additional caveat that altering the fabric of reality to improve one’s grades will be considered cheating. Time travel to obtain advanced knowledge of exam questions is strictly prohibited.

Attendance
Students are expected to attend all sessions across all relevant timelines and dimensions. Quantum superposition is not an acceptable excuse for missing lectures. If you exist in a state of being both present and absent, you will be marked as “half-absent” and required to submit Form QS-3 (Quantum Superposition Attendance Verification).

Late Submissions
Assignments must be submitted on time. Time dilation effects, temporal loops, or claims that “it’s still Tuesday somewhere in the multiverse” will not be accepted as valid excuses for late work. Students experiencing genuine timeline disruptions must obtain verification from the Department of Temporal Consistency.

Accessibility
Students requiring special accommodations, including reality anchors, probability stabilisers, or extra-dimensional interpreters, should contact the course instructor within the first week of term.

Laboratory Safety
The department maintains a strict “Three Strikes” policy regarding reality breaches:

First incident: Written warning
Second incident: Two-week suspension from practical sessions
Third incident: Compulsory enrolment in SAFETY-101: Not Destroying the Universe for Beginners

PHY-217: Applied Improbability Engineering